zehrabeth

So, I'm thinking about transferring my blog over to blogger. LiveJournal's cool n' all, but I have to be logged into MSN to get the URLs for other people's blogs. It's annoying. Soooo... I might switch over soon. Sorry Shanna and Denise!

*******************

Edit: Here's the URL of my new blog: http://zehrabeth.blogspot.com/

I'm in that random, bitterly sarcastic mood again. I'm very dangerous when I allow my attitude to get this way, because I tend to sarcastically say things that I actually mean. It's a bitter, flat, brutal way of venting, I suppose. I get like this mostly late at night when the caffeine's done running through my blood stream, and I don't feel like dealing with people anymore. I know it's not a pleasant side of my personality, and although a part of me says "people need to learn to deal with it," I know that's just not true.

Calling something a "personality trait" is a way of denying God access to an area of your life that you don't want changed.
I think it was Alexis or Nicky (I get 'em mixed up in my mind) who told me something like that once. I'm paraphrasing because I can't remember it exactly, but it stuck with me. I don't want to change. It's a lot of trouble and not much fun to try to change a part of my personality that's been there for years. But....

"The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell." James 3:6


"With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be." James 3:9-10


Ouch. My thoughts are garbled at best right now, but that still stings. Some example I'm being. *sigh* This Christian stuff isn't always easy.

I really wanna have a good cry right now. No reason in particular.... not even having a bad day- I just feel like it. Maybe I'll go watch the wedding channel.



I

I've decided that this year in my life is going to be a time of growing. And I'm also coming to realize that with that comes many growing pains along the way. I'm almost, almost content to stay where I am, but not quite. There's an urge somewhere deep inside me that is pushing me to mature.

^^^ I hate when people write emotional-sounding sentences and you don't know what the heck they're talking about. :)

I'm in the process of deciding what path my life with take in the next year. Since I decided reconsider my nursing career, I haven't regreted the decision at all. On the contrary, I'm relieved that I'm not going to have to dissect any more cats or smell formaldehyde or be around hospitals for the rest of my life. But I'm so confused as to where I'm supposed to go now! Some people are saying Vanguard, some Master's Commission, others want me to do a year internship at Redding! I almost want someone to tell me what I'm supposed to do, but then again, I don't! It is my decision, and that's exhilirating in itself! 

I know I'm rambling, but my thoughts are as disjointed as this blog is. 

I came to a rather obvious realization this morning... it's when I'm daily spending time with God, praying constantly, reading my Bible, and challenging myself to invite people to church, that I feel alive! I'm thrilled to be who I am, and to serve an amazing God, and I'm truly filled with joy just at the prospect of living for Jesus. It's during those times that I feel like I could give my life to this cause and never look back- never have regrets. But when I'm not spending time with God (or I start doing the late night "I forgot to do this earlier" prayers every night) that I feel bored and frustrated with my life. I don't know what I want to do or why I can't seem to figure it out.

I guess all I can do for now is keep doing what makes me happy (sounds deceptively easy). Living in the Spirit has never been so real to me or so much fun! I can't wait to see the harvest coming to our church! And doggonit, I'm working my butt off for it, why not be excited?!?!

 I'm sitting here at school "trying" to do homework, but I discovered a dangerous thing..... free internet!!! 

Since I've been exploring this amazing "homework room," I've discovered that Myspace is forbidden, Facebook is questionable, and that I'm probably not allowed to be blogging either. Oh well, at least until I get caught. 

I have to work tonight. :( I wish I could ditch and go hang out at Shanna's party tonight. It's kinda funny, I guess, that the word "party" to me means cake and lot of friends hanging out and watching movies. Not that I want to be at the other kind of "party," but it's just such a stark contrast to the rest of the world. Hopefully I can join in the festivities tonight after I get off. 

LOL, yesterday I was at home celebrating Resurrection Sunday with my family when I randomly get a phone call from Pastor John. I answered it, and he said, "Pam was telling me that you have a great idea you wanted to share with me."

*desperately searching my brain for what the heck he was talking about* 

I guess he was calling about my latest myspace blog. The one about doing random acts of kindness and leaving behind church business cards. LOL, I can't believe it got back to him so quickly!!! He was excited about he idea. I was still trying to calm myself down from the fact that PJ called me without warning!!! (it doesn't often happen, as you might have guessed)

I'm really excited about the idea, and much more so now that so many people have decided to participate. It could be pretty cool!!!

Anyway, that's all I have to blog about for now. Hope to see ya'll tonight!!!

Anybody that went to church last Sunday should have gotten five church business cards that Pastor John rubber-banded together for us to hand out to people. I was thinking last week about how I could hand them without being terribly akward, and inspiration struck!

Why not do random acts of kindness and leave behind a church business card as the only reason why? (did that make sense?) Randomly paying for the car behind you in the drive thru, or buying coffee for the person behind you at Starbucks. Stuff like that. All you have to do is take a church business card, write your first name on it (in case they do come, you’ll know it was your doing), and put something like "hope to see you on Sunday morning!" on the front. Our cards have maps on the back and the address on the front, so it’s easy for them to find the church. This might sound kinda dorky, but trust me, it’s really fun!!!

Besides that, isn’t this the kind of example we as Christians should set? Kind, generous, and giving? I’ve done it twice this week, and I can’t wait to see if I’ll see people at church on Sunday as a result! It’s like a game, but the end result is incredible! Anyway, the more people who start doing this, the better chance we have of seeing major results. Soooooo, if you’re honestly thinking about doing it, please let me know, because it’s encouraging to have support. Thanks!

Hope to see ya’ll on Sunday!!!!